I am spitting feathers. I am full of grate anger and ire. I have bean the recipient of the most fowl belated case of naked discermination Clougher as ever scene. During the Summer Gerry, I replied for a plaice at the open anniversity.I was hoping to increase the vast store of nowledge that is already swirling around in my noggin. Too daze ago I got a reply from the boys at the open anniversity.
I tore open the letter with my teeth and stood there surprised, shocked too the kore and gob smacked when I saw I had bean declined entry. The reasons for my reflection were many and varied. "Know basic standard of headucation. The fact that the application form was filled in with green crayon. Apparently they did knot take kindly to me korrecting their grammar and spelling in the margins. And they drew my attention to the fact that after-SEX, I had put- maybe!". The hole letter Gerry is wan fowl callamy on my good name. The truth is that the open anniversary don't want a Cat-Lick about the plaice. It is discermination. Naked, undiluted, belated discermination and up with it, I shall knot put.
Steps have already bean taken. I have rote too the wee Sin Fane boy, Barry McElduff. I set out my case in green crayon and I respect a call any day to go too Stirmont and appear before a select committee.
I won't take it lying down Gerry. I have never taken it lying down. It is well known round Clougher and surrounding districts that Rosie Ryan wool knot take it lying down.My sun Bon Jovi said.
"Don't get yourself all in a leather. Leave her to Barry. Barry's on the ball. When Barry gets through with the open anniversity. They mite give you an honary degree for keeping your yapper shut"
But I said, "KNOW! Any degree konferred on me wool be due two hard work and dilligence. I wool knot accept wan of them auld degrees that Queens Anniversity gave out like sweeties to any Tom, Dick or Fanny". So there you have it Gerry. God no's I suffer for my wild thirst for nowledge. How are things in the Arts and Kulture seen in Derry? Has the circus came to town yet? Thank God clowns don't scare me, or I wood have to move away from Clougher.
Bon Jovi is doing very well at skool. He got straight G's in a mock test before the Summer holly-daze.
Academia looms for Bon Jovi. He wool never have to stand in the Dole office and say, "To beg I am two proud, two dig I am knot able". Well Gerry I must go. Isn't it wild about Jordan and Peter Entere. That's what comes from knot saying your prayers at nite. The family who prey together, stay together.
I feel a lot better, now that wee Barry McElduff is on the ball. Barry is like a wee terrier. When Barry bites, he haulds on. Good luck Gerry, you have always bean a bon a-me to me and Bon Jovi.
Bon Jovi is shouting Gerry. He wants you to play some Rack-man-enough or Declan Nearney. Toodles for now. XXX
Ooh Gerry, Auld Fred Franko fell off his bicycle and cut the hole face of himself.The hospital is looking for skin donors.Maybe some of your listeners wood like too made a constitution. Tell them too leave their number with the wee bouy.
"I see Winter in the frost lit stars
Time to change into the red flannel drawers" Rosie Ryan. September 2009.