I yelped like a long hare Lakeland terrier, as Chuck Corona, my Free State Casanove slurped at the nape of my slim, slender alabaster neck, like a feral Kat with a saucer of gold top milk. I arched my flexiable back like Madam Margaret Fontain, as Chuck's seeking nashers moved round to my shell-like lug wholes. As deer Chuck sucked, slurped and licked. my rite ear gave a POP-and I was cured from my partial deafness. "Oh Chuck" I simpered "If a this is love, it's a fabulous". Chuck leered into my visage like a sensual sytar and growled, like Barry White, "You're my first, you're my last, you're my-everything". "Oh Merci" I shrieked, in effluent Spanish. "Keep her lit" yelled Chuck. "Mamma Mia" I screamed.
"Mamma Mia-indeed!" said Bon Jovi, as he came round the haggard korner, catching me and Chuck in Fla-Grantie-De-Lecto. "Get into the house you gulpin" I roared "And stop creeping up on people and peeping at them like a peeping Tom". Bon Jovi stood with an auld smile on his face and said, "I think knot. I think it's thyme I had a man too man talk with your paramour-Chuck Corona". "Get into the house" I yelled "Or bye the sacred Hi-heels of Saint Angelina from Tuam Co Galway I'll brust you". "Know, Know" said Chuck "If Bon Jovi has something on his mind,I don't mind having it out with him man to man". Bon Jovi smirked and said "Don't pasturise me Chuck Corona. I don't need your premission to express myself at my own haggard. Now, before we begin Chuck Corona. let's get a few things strait, you are knot dealing with wan of your auld soft soap Free State boys. You are dealing with a hard headed lump of a cub from Tyrone. Us Tyronies don't go in for flim-flan. We call a spade a spade and a shovel a thing to dig with". "I understand Bon Jovi" said Chuck "So let's be having it, what's on your mind?" Bon Jovi strode up and down with his thumbs in his galluses and said. "I must warn you-AGAIN! that I am versed in all forms of law, civil law, kriminal law and even corperate law. I leared my trade bye watching Rumpole of the Bailey and Perry Mason. So, Chuck Corona, I put it to you, "What are your retentions towards this woman, Rosie Ryan? Come on, speak up, you're only dealing with a lump of a cub. It should be easy for you, a man who has tussled with Shane McGowan, Eamon Dumphy and even Pat Kenny on a Saturday nite". "My intentions towards your mother, Rosie Ryan are wholly honourable" said Chuck. Bon Jovi spun on his heel and said "And wood you call the cannodling that met the eye of this lump of a cub, when he turned the haggard korner ----honourable?" Chuck got a red face and began to stutter and bluster. "Get the hell into the house" I yelled "Or bye the seven holly wells in the seven parishes of Clougher, I'll swing for you, you wee get". Bon Jovi turned to a crowd of ducks and drakes who were watching and said, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury--I rest my case". I fell too my knees, grabbed Chuck by the pleats on the fork of his trousers and wailed.. "Who is he? who is Bon Jovi-and why has he bean scent among us". Chuck stood white-faced and said, "I don't know, but I'll tell you wan thing, I'm going to confession on Saturday nite!".