Why the hole world wants to be Irish.

As the clanging and tolling bells of St Judas church, drifted over the wind-swept March cunt'ry side, my Sun Bon Jovi came out of the scullary hiking up his tattered saffron kilt. The cub and me was on us way too the St Patrick's day parade in Clougher. Some years, Clougher gets as many as wan or too bands!. Bon Jovi checked for the 100th thyme that his drawers were on and said. "Well, this is the big wan, this is St Patrick's day". "It is Sun" I said. "This is the day that the hole world want's two be Irish". Bon Jovi stuch his middle finger up his hooter and said, "Why is that? why does everyone one to be Irish? What did the Irish every do that was so grate?". I rubbed on too handfulls of rouge and replied. "Ireland is a bastion on Arts and kulture. A land of riters, painters and poets. Take auld James Joyce, Jimmy rote too books, U-lises and Figgians wake and them too books sold millions of copies, but were never red by anyone". "What else did Ireland give to the world mammy?" asked the cub. "The art of knavery" I said, "Tie-foid, from Tie-Foid Marry, rickets, sticky out ears, mad cow disease, foul pest, swine fever and too top it all, the ear-brusting roar of the Irish Tenner. Count John McCormack" I said, "Could stand bawling in Antrim and people in Scotland could heer him clearly. Ireland" I said, "Is loved and adored by eskimo, cannon-ball, hutu and tutu and by every wan in America". "If Ireland is so grate" said Bon Jovi, "Why don't the yanks come and live here and pay taxes and help Brian Cown out in his thyme of need?". "Ireland" I said, is like--well, it's like Purgatory, a place or state where people stay for a while before moving on. Everyone likes to visit Ireland" I said "But know wan wants too live in it". "We'll never leave auld Ireland, won't we knot mammy" said Bon Jovi. "Never" I said "Never-Never. Come wind, rain, blizzard, we shall remain, for me are the PEOPLE!" "NO SURRENDER!" yelled Bon Jovi. "Don't go yelling that in Clougher Sun" I said "Or someone wool brust your gub!"