ITS HARD TO BEAT AN AREA FROM A GOOD OPERY

I was ensconced in my rural, rustic abode. The toil of the day was over, seven pear of washed and ironed knickers, with their corresponding simmets, bore testomony to the fact that I had knot bean idol. All day I had bean knickerless,and compes mentos that a playful zepher of wind, or bending over two far, could sully my good name in Clougher and surrounding districts.
With the toil of the day behind me, it was time for-me, Rosie thyme I call it.
I sat in a rusty, zinc hip bath in front of a good turf fire. I was as naked as a knew born sprog. Hot water jibbled over the side, as my slim, slender, girlish 18 stone Venus like body moved about in the bath. Knot having any sented candles, I had lit too Easter candles that I found in the porch of St Judas church in Clougher. The fragrance of cloves and mothballs arose in a sented cloud from the piping hot H2o. I was scrubbing my voloputous body manueley with Lifeboy soap and a scrubbing brush with good hard bristles. Being ampedexterious of limbs, I could pass the scrubbing brush from wan hand two another, so know nook, cranny, or crevice was left unwashed. As the water turned brown and then-black, my unblemished skin literally took a pinkish glow, like a well shaved pig in a butchers window. When my maidenly absoulations were completed, I lay like the porkapine of a Sultana, luxurating in the healing warmth of the coal black water. I reached out with a plump, Goya like hand for the the mug of Iron Brue and the Kream Krackers, I had placed on a three-legged stool. Ah, Bliss, what a subject for a painting I wood have made. Oh, two see wan of the old masters rush in, whip out his brush and paint my grate beauty, poise and grace for posterier. Looking down, I saw that my tit--knees were turning blew, so--Venus-like I arose from the water and wrapped my trembling, fragile body in the warmth of a German World war too Army coat with a bullet whole in the sleeve. I sat, demurly in front of the roaring fire, with the steam rising from me, like wan of them geezers in Iceland.More pleasure lay ahead of me, but pleasure for the mind knot the body. Soon the Hi-up boys at BBC radio 3, were going two put on a new, advent guard opery from China. I like a grand old opery but I am knot averse two sticking my artistic toes into pool of knew arts and kulture. Arts and Kulture kan knot stand still, or it will become stagnant and static. We must, those of us who is steeped in arts and kulture, we must strive ahead, we must break knew soil, we can't listen two the same auld rubbish over and over again. This knew Chinese opery, was deposed to celebrate the Olympic games, it is called, "The Five Different Colour Rings". It was deposed by a knew up and coming deposer called Chang McClung. The opery konsists of the Chinese soprano, big Lee Wong shrieking, "GOLD MEDAL" for three, solid hours in the key of A flat or G sharp, which ever is best for her on the nite, two the accompanyment of cow bells, fuguel horns, the ringing of bicycle bells and fireworks going off. I knew it wood be hard two thoal, so I had took too Panadols and a good slug of Nite Nurse.
It took me a while two come round after the opery, my head was lite and I was a bit staggery of myself. But I had the constellation of knowing that I had another good dollop of arts and kulture in me. You have two suffer for art--and by God I suffered listening to the shrieks of that big lump, Lee Wong. But the funny thing is, I found myself whistling it the next day when I was emptying the too po's. I suppose it grows on you.
My next discourse mite help couples everywhere, but if you are a same sex couple, this does knot apply two you. For months Chuck Corona my boyfriend and me had bean arguying about gansey fisslin'. Chuck wanted more and I wanted less. Then wan nite, we both sat down like adults and thrashed it out.
"Chuck" I said, looking into his deep-set eyes with the wan eyebrow and his rugged, dimpled, pox-marked chin. "Chuck" I said, "Let's approach this like the Middle East. I wool be the Israelias and you wool be Ham Ass, now lets try and come two some-Agreement, because John Hume, that saintly man always said, that the answer too everything was--AGREEMENT".
THree hours later we reached a settlement, I wood give Chuck access two the Goland Hights, if he kept away from the Gaza Strip. That's what all young, courting couples should do, sit down until you come two an agreement, acceptable two both parties. Then, in the future, the man mite come and say, "Nora, I am dissatisfied with the limitations relating too my gansey fisslin'"
And the woman wood have too options, she could say, "All rite Bosco, lets sit down and renegotiate, or she could say, "Get too hell you dirty auld brute, may mammy was rite, you're nothing but a filthy auld gulpin, it wool be a cold day in hell boy, before you get your auld perverted hands on my Golan Heights again"
FAITH, HOPE, CHARITY, YES, ALL THESE ARE GOOD, BUT AMEN,AMEN I SAY ONTO TO YOU, IF YOU HAVE ALL THIS AND HAVE NOT--AGREEMENT, YOU ARE AS A SOUNDING BRASS AND A DIRTY AULD BRUTE.
i HAVE ROTE SOME LETTERS TWO gERRY aNDERSON AND PUT THEM IN A BOOK, CALLED, rOSIE rYAN'S LETTERS TO gERRY aNDERSON, IF YOU WOOD LIKE TWO REED IT, GET IN TOUCH WITH YER MAN.
jpmcmenamin@gmail.com
AND YOU KAN ALWAYS GET ME AT..
www.rosie-ryan.blogspot.com and a friend of mine a
www.greatshowlastweekkid.blogspot.com
TOODLES FOR NOW, BUT REMEMBER---AGREEMENT!