AN EXUBERANT ERUPTION ON THE ARS_REAR OF MY LOVER

As the music from Swan Lake filled my abode, I got up on the tips of my toes and shuffled round the kitchen, with my slender, girlish, maidenly arms raised gracefully in the air.
As the swan popped its clogs, I went into a fit of shaking, two denote just how sick the swan was.
As the lovely, plaintive melody drifted away, I kollapsed gracefully with my long, slender neck
out-stretched and my expressive occulars gazing sadly at my hobnailed boots.
Ah, I missed my vacation, I should have bean a bally dancer, Why oh why, did they knot teech bally at St Judas primary skool? I could have bean the Margaret Fontain of Clougher.
Nature created me two be a bally dancer, I was born with wild flat toes and as a child I could stand for hours on tip-toe at the dinner table, trying to snatch some nourishment from under the noses of dear mummy and daddy, who were getting stuck into some road kill with grunts, snarls and the odd bite. Ah, hapy daze, many a cut and gash I got, but nothing that ever required stitches. They wood often regurgitate food for me, the nosey-parker social services said they were vomiting over me, As if they wood, I was their little daughter Rosie, who had sprang smiling from their respected lions.
I arched my neck, put my arms in the air and danced out the front dour on tip-toe two sea what my sun BOn Jovi was up two.
"Damn, blast and die-ah-rea" roared the wee gulpin, as I tip-toed threw the long grass and nettles. "Hi boy" I yelled "What sort of language is that for a sun of Rosie Ryans too be up two?"
"Its this auld wheel barrow" roared the humpy wee brute, "I kan't get her two go into reverse".
I gave a hi tinkling laugh, like Amy Whinehouse and said "You stupid little goose, there is know reverse in a wheel-barrow, you have two walk backwards and pull the barrow behind you".
"I never wood have thought of that" said the cub "Mammy, you must be wild smart".
I adorned my countence with a mask of pensivativity and replied.
"Well, yes, I is, my mammy always said that the forseps slipped during my birth and my guess is that they activated and stimulated a dark region of my brane".
"I herd the priest and the skool master talking about you yesterday" said Bon Jovi.
"THey were standing at the skool gate, laughing and talking about you".
"And prey what did the too learned gentlemen say?" I asked.
" I didn't heer the hole of it" said Bon Jovi "I just herd them say, Rosie Ryan and then, buck stupid".
I smiled with pride and said "You don't need two be a genie two work it out, they were saying.
"The peeple in Clougher are all buck stupid with the soul reception of-Rosie Ryan".
When I saw my true love Chuck Corona coming threw the bog, I shrieked, I literary shrieked. I no my love by his way of walking, and deer Chuck was knot walking with his full zest and vigour, he was limping like an auld mongeral dog.
Of course, being a female woman, under-carriage trouble was the first thing that popped into my head. Should I yell, "How are they hanging?" I decided knot two, "Chuck" I shrieked.
"What ales you my love? your vigiorous, robust gate, has turned into a veritable crawl, have you had a nasty accident on the bicycle my love and squashed or mangled your manly
accouterments?" "KNOW" yelled Chuck "I have a boil on my ars-rear, the size of a ducks egg"
"Is that all?" I trilled "Come away in, I know just the thing two do. Now Chuck my deer" I said
"I want you too drop those lovely pee green trousers and any drawers you may be wearing and bend over that chair. Shh-Shh-know questions my love, leave it two me, I know what I'm doing, when it comes two bum boils I am a veritable doctor Kildare"
I quickly boiled a pan of water, until it was pipping hot, then, between gleeks at Chuck's manly contours, I got a bottle with a wide neck and dropped it into the boiling water, now, thyme was of the essance, I grabbed a large towel reached for the bottle, ran to chuck and rammed the neck of the red hot bottle over the red, inflamed produrence on his arse-sorry-derry air.
The bottle neck caused a vacuume, the boil brust like mount vasavious and Green puss erupted and flew into the bottle. CHuch gave a shriek, only my plump foot was on the back of his neck he wood have fled. I held the bottle too Chuck's hairy rear until the boil was emptied, then I held him to my loving, heaving bisum. Deer Chuck cried, yes, the big tough ex Garda She-kona sargent cried. Bon Jovi came running in and roared "What have you done two Chuck Corona-NOW?" When I explained, the cubs wrath disappeated.
I held deer Chuck as the golden son settled over the bog, "Rock a by Chuckie on a tree top" I crooned into his ear. Chuck was letting little whimpers and yelps out of him like a lost puppy.
Deer Chuck slept on the sofa, I bent too kiss him before I went two bed, my matted mass of red hare obscured his lovely features. "Sleep tite, little Chuck" I murmured. "Sleep tite".
Deer Chuck lay with his thumb in his mouth, drooling and dribbling, all thoughs of gansey fisslin' put on hold, as throb after throb of pane erupted like solar flares from his mangled rear.
Ah lamore-you have turned the lovely Rosie Ryan into lover and nurse.
(I know you are in a hurry to rush out and retrive your drawers from the washing line, but why not take time to go to.......(
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