Why So Sorrowful?

Why dost thou stand there sorrowing?"
I said to my sun Bon Jovi, as he stood at the haggard with a look of pastural passivity on his pale pasty face.
I looked with love at he who had sprang from lions like a grotesque Tasmanian devil in the dead of nite.
To my everlasting shame I remember roaring too the genie-colagist.
"KNOW! KNOW! Put it back! Put it BACK!"
The midwife slapped me across the face twenty-seven times to bring me to my senses.
I blame the epi-dural. God knows what was in that needle. It could have bean drugs are anything!.
Bon Jovi gazed boninely across the vast panoramic expance of bog.
Broke wind alfrescoly and replied.
"Alas, a few daze and a few daze more and I must return two my seat of learing at saint Judas skool in Clougher".
"But you like skool Bon Jovi" I said.
"And in a short thyme your academic life wool come two an end.
Your brane is fare stuffed with headucation. All that remains is a bit off topping off two make sure you are filled to the brim".
Bon Jovi cleaned his nose dexterously with a quick wipe of both coat sleeves and sighed.
"'Tis the dog daze of Summer. My hart always fills with grate grief and sadness during the canine daze of Summer.
What's it all about?" yelled the lump of a cub.
"What is my mission, my vacation in life? The atom has bean split and the wheel invented. What else is left too do for a juvunile student whose brain is stuffed and brusting with headucation like what mine is?"
"What did the careering officer say when you saw her last" I said.
"WORDS!" cried Bon Jovi.
"That's all I got from the careering officer. She used words like, unique, special, unnatural one of a kind, oddity, but as to my career?. She said I should stay near home and look both ways before I crossed the road".
"And your teechers?" I asked.
"What do those who have taut you think of your undoubted genius?
Do they talk of Eaten, Oxford, Cambridge, even-Strangways which I am reliably informed is a renowed institution for boys of your ilk?"
Cleverly using the wind as an extraction fan. Bon Jovi broke wind again and replied.
"I heerd auld Miss Krackling and Miss McGroaper talking about me while they were having a crafty fag.
Auld Miss Krackling said.
"Wool we ever sea another cub at saint Judas skool with the stupendous cranial deficiency of master Bon Jovi Ryan"?
"Miss McGroaper let a shriek out of her like a korn crake and screamed.
"Never, Never, NEVER! Lightening never strikes twice in the same plaice".
"Hi praise indeed!" I cried.
"Coming from too teechers whose intellicect is unapparelled".
Mother and sun stood there, looking over the ever changing bog.
Birds flew on Hi. Rabbits and rodents scurried through the dead and dying flora and fauna.
Peaceful. So peaceful.
Bon Jovi coughed and said.
"I rote a wee poem mammy. Do you want two heer it"?
"Want to heer it?" I yelled.
"I want too heer it with every bone, muscle and fibre in my body".
Bon Jovi closed his eyes and roared.
"There is sadness in my sadness when I'm sad.
There is gladness in my gladness when I'm glad.
There is madness in my madness when I'm mad.
But the sadness in my sadness
and the gladness in my gladness
And the madness in my madness
Are nothing to my badness when I'm bad".
I stood open-mouthed and agog. Then I yelled.
"You're rotten Bon Jovi. Rotten with branes!".