Marathon Advice From Rosie

Deer Gerry,
Its Rosie Ryan 'ere, she of the flashing eyes and thunder thighs.
Winter has at last loosened its icy grip on Clougher.
It was a sore wan Gerry.
My lips and hips is badly chaffed.
During the worst of it, Brannigan's donkey frooze to death looking out over a gait with a look in its eyes that defiled all komprehension.
Last Sonday in Clougher was nice and mild.
Some couples who are still talking to each other headed out for a walk and one or too brave soles threw caution to the wind and had a slash down Milligan's entry.
And I am proud to say, I was one of them.
Al-Fresco slashing is a sign that Spring is on the way.
Gerry, your God-sun Bon Jovi is wild worried about you and this marathon thing.
"Uncle Gerry wool never do it!" yelled Bon Jovi, banging his fist on the table for emphatic emphasis.
"He wool be dragged off the street like road kill while the boy's of the NYPD choir keep singing, "Galway Bay".
I don't no much about running. The only things that run in the Ryan family is noses, bladders and bowls.
The only marathon runner we had in Clougher was Bosco "The Flash" Romano and he didn't aquire the nick-name "The Flash" for running!.
I remember when wee Bosco was training for the Gortin marathon.
He just couldn't get his speed up, so what wee Bosco did was superglue too big, juicy, raw steaks to his hips and then run by auld Morphine Mumbles house who owned six big, firece Doberman Pichers.
Well, that got wee Bosco's speed up, but apparently not enough and he suffered severe cuts, scratches, gouges,bites and lacerations around both derriere and under-carriage.
When the starting gun went off in Gortin wee Bosco was still in the Royal in Belfast getting skin grafts.
I don't no how to advice you Gerry.
I no you have your hart set on running the marathon.
What I suggest is, you strip naked in front of a mirror and then ask yourself, Mr Coyle, Emma, Janet, the Undertone and Ken
"Kan this body carry me 26 miles?"
Coyle may try and mislead you, but Janet and Emma wool tell the truth and probably take plenty of pictures with their wee kamera fones.
What ever you do boy I'm rite behind you willing you on.
From buck-some beauty and delectable honey bun,
Rosie Ryan xxx
SP, Poor auld Jane Russell is dead, she was nearly as good looking as me!.