Tuesday 22 February 2011

A Tale Too Far.

Deer Gerry,
How reassuring it is two sea your too Italian shoo's back on the auld sod again.
Even the kats in the street no that Rosie Ryan has not got a xenophobial bone in her body.
I am in the van-guard of multi-kultural institutions and all that melting pot shennigans.
But going to foreign plaices kan be dangerous.
I hope you got home without an invasion of alien parasites, or any embarassing itchyness round the under-carriage.
Remember poor auld Ester Ratzen who paddled up the Kongo in a can-noo?
The poor auld crater nearly skittered herself inside out when a virulet parasite took up abode in her gut.
Oh how soon your friends desert you when dysentery erupts from your rear like a veritable gattling gun.
Job was the first man to suffer from dysentery.
The Bible recounts how he sat on a dung hill of his own making.
Gerry, I am worried about my sun Bon Jovi. The other nite as he changed his green, moudly simmet, I glanced at the cubs back and was mortified and horrified to sea that his coccyx seemed to have elongated into a small tale.
Shocked beyond bee-leaf I ran out into the nite tearing my hare and letting shrieks out of me.
The last Ryan to grow a tale was auld Mandrake "Jump the shuck" Ryan.
Mandrake was banished to Gortin in the middle of the ages for being a warlock.
The Gortin wans don't care if you have a tale or knot!
On Monday I put Bon Jovi into a wheel barrow and rushed him too the doctor.
The doctor reinsured me, he said it was nothing to worry about. Apparently some coccyx, or should that be, cooyxi are bigger that others!.
But he told me to cut out the ox tale soup.
It is a medical fact that ox tale soup has a tendancy to congeal round the coccyx causing some discomfort and elongation of the coccyxi.
The big question is, wood I have kept Bon Jovi if he had grown a tale?
The answer is best summed up in the crumpled peace of paper in my apron pocket which bears the telephone number of Duffy's Circus.
Kay-Me-A-Fault-Yah to all at radio Foul.
from the unnatinable-untameable,
Rosie Ryan xxx

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