ROSIE WANTS TO TEACH

Deer Gerry, After giving it fierce thought and kontemplation I have decided to be a skool teecher.

As an headucated man Gerry, could you reform me how I go about it? I suppose I wool need too get a wee foto took for security purpoises.

I no fine well that when this gets out the klamour from skools and kolleges wool be wild. What a boon it wood be two have Rosie Ryan in any seat of learning.

I have bean brushing up on my Arabic. For it is as plane as the no's on my face, that wee wool all soon be turning too Mecca. The riting is on the wall and the wall doesn't lie. When the wall said, "FREE DERRY" boys just went into shops and took what they wanted.

I have so much to give and I kan provide my own bicycle and sand-witches. I asked my sun Bon Jovi for his opinion and the lump of a cub said, "Go for it mammy. Any idijt kan be a skool teecher". So with that endorsement ringing in my ears, I immediately ordered too biro pens, three HB pencils a stick of white chalk and six caines.

It wool be zero tolerence with me Gerry. I wool put up with know auld buck. With auld buck, I wool knot put up. How gratifying it wool bee two take young minds and mould them into modern citizens. How gratifing too take a young fallow mind and scatter headucation over it like manure and watch it flourish. To make diamonds from koal and pearls from sows ears.

I no that what ever skool I go two, I shall rise through the ranks like a NASA rocket.

I am sure you wool koncur Gerry that teeching is akin too farming. You plough, you harrow, scatter seeds and bring the pupils on with encourgment and a good lash of the caine. It is inevitable that the crop wool kontain a few big turnips.Even in a world of arts and kulture, some wan has to shovel the shi-- feces from the sewer. But did knot Darrren call that nauturale subjection.

There wool bee know teechers pets in my klass. If a cub says.

"Mrs Ryan, may I pleeze leave the room for a slash?" I wool say.

"Know Pedro, sit down. I am explaining long diversion. And if you don't learn how too carry the wan. You wool end up a poor wretched crater with the brane of a fruit fly".

What a font of knowledge I have to impart to the youth of Clougher and surrounding districts.

And I shall knot be afraid too stray from the Kar-lick-you-lum. If the Kar-lick-you-lum konflicts with my superior knowledge of learning. I shall toss the Kar-lick-you-lum from me like a snottery hankerchief.

Firm yet fare shall me my motto.

"This is going too hurt you more that it wool me" I shall yell. As I caine the arse of some gulpin of a cub.

I have maid up my mind Gerry. A teecher I is going too be. I owe it to the cunt'ry. Why should I hoard my grate knowledge like a miser, when I kan spend it like a sailor?

I kan sea myself leaping of my bike on a sunny morning. A stroll to the staff room. With caine in hand and Chambers Dick-sean-ree tucked casually under my oxter. A cup of tee, a quick slash and then I get stuck into, geometrics, histornics and the subject I positively excell in-neuralgia.

Give me the child and I wool give you in return the man and women, fare steeped in arts and kulture.

Bring me your poor, your thick and your buck stupid. Rosie Ryan.