FORKED LIGHTENING

Thunder rolled over the bog like the big guns at the battle of the Some, lightening flashed, like serpents from the dark foreboding sky. The wind blue from Gortin and surrounding districts, bringing with it the aroma of dirty oxters and fried bread. My too sturdy, blew veined legs were parted and my hobnailed boots planted in the heather like the Callous of Roads.
A flash of jagged lightening lit up the dark, glowering sky, "CHUCK" I shrieked, "put it away my love, the pesky lightening is seeking some protrudence too strike, put it away Chuck,lightening and water is a dangerous combination".
My true love, Chuck Corona appeared from behind a standing stone, where he had bean relieving himself with a hasty slash. Chuck stumbled towards me, wide-eyed and doing up the zip that opened the portal on the fork of his trousers.
"What is it my deer?" cried Chuck. "Why the note of insistant,urgency in your sweet, bellowing voice?" "Lightening" my love" I shrieked, pointing-dramatically at the billowing clouds.
"The lightening is seeking something to latch on to, this is know day to be branshing, or flourishing a golf club, fishing rod, or you know what in the air".
"Bye the drawers of sweet Mollie Malone" cried Chuck, "you are rite, I could have lost, that what makes me a man". "YES" I shrieked, "and that which makes me a woman".
I grabbed Chuck and held him two my throbbing, heaving bisum, "Oh Chuck" I cried, "my little Chuckie, "Why were you so fool hardy as to have an alfresco slash on a wild day like this?".
"A build up of urine" cried Chuck, "Had distended my bladder like a balloon, my bladder was squashing my phosphate gland, causing me two seek relief in the form of a good slash".
Suddenly, I erupted into a maidenly shriek, "CHUCK" I screamed, "the zip on the fork of your trousers is made of metal and may hold droplets of expelled urine, take your trousers off at once, before the lightening senses the intoxicating allure of piss and metal".
"Chuck got out of his trousers quicker than President Clinton in the oval office, when he scene Monica Lewinsky coming with a sexy smile on her ugly gub. Soon deer Chuck stood there in the bog in a pear of artic white boxer shorts with Erin Go Bragh rote over the fork.
I stiffled a scream of wanton desire as I looked at his too, hairy,strudy,free state legs.
I grabbed Chuck and shrieked, "lets go home my love, before the lightening homes in on your manly aerial". "What about my trousers?" cried Chuck, "I can't leave my good burgundy trousers with pleats round the fork lying in the bog".
"Tie them around your neck my dear" I cried, "like the tennis stars do with their ganseys"
Holding each other tite, we made our way through the bog like Heathcliff and what ever you call the tramp that was after him. As we stumbled along, I was waving my hands frantically in front of Chuck's fork to ward off any lightening bolts.
As we neared my abode, my sun Bon Jovi, appeared from behind a boulder like a swarthy, Mexican bandit, the cub gets more and more like Lee Van Cleef every day.
The cub squinted with his good eye and roared, "What the hell is going on here? the lump of a cubs mother comes home with Chuck Corona and Chuck Corona's trousers are hanging round his neck. "What kid of example is this for the lump of a cub, who is trying to make his way through life with piety and devotion? A lump of a cub who needs mentoring and advice, only too be met with his wide-eyed mother and a man devoid of trousers. In the name of God, why is it that the lump of a cub is the only wan in the house with a titter of wit".
"Bon Jovi" I cried, "its knot like it seems, Chuck took his trousers off two stop the lightening from striking the fork of his trousers". "What's so special about the fork of Chuck Corona's trousers?" roared the wee gulpin, "Do you think lightening has nothing better too do than two hit the fork of Chuck Corona's trousers?" "Twas but a safety measure sun" said Chuck, "Twas simply a safety measure". Bon Jovi, folded his arms, crossed wan cut knee over the other and
said, "Lets sea if I've got this rite,Chuck Corona did knot want the lightening hitting the fork of his trousers, so he took the trousers off and tied them round his neck,proving that Chuck Corona was knot afraid of the lightening hitting him up the gub".
Chuck and I looked at each other, why did we knot think of that, all the way home, Chuck's gub was exposed too the threat of a lightening strike. I looked at Bon Jovi in admiration, what a grate brane was hidden in that big, round, cannon-ball head.
As Chuck made too come into the house, Bon Jovi roared, "Know, away home with you Chuck Corona, and put your trousers on, you look like a perverted flasher"
As I tried to interject, he fixed me with his gimpet eye and roared, "Get into the house, get into the house and fall on your auld knees and pray for your auld black sole. "GOTT IN HIMMEL"
he roared, "Why is it that the lump of a cub is the only wan with a titter of wit?".
I never answered him, I was two busy preying two saint Bernie, the patron saint of weeman who make men take off their trousers.

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