Sew, on the stroke of five past six, Bon Jovi and me sat down for a three hour tutorial.Wee Bon Jovi looked resplendid in azure blew gansey and a pear of short trousers with a patch on the ars.. derriere. The cub was sitting on a three legged stool in front of the upturned wheel barrow that he uses in loo of desk. His too big bare knees, were sticking up round his ears, like too bald headed dwarfs. I picked up, Latin For Dummies and said, "Where did we get two last weak?". Bon Jovi scratched his ringworm and roared, "We established, that ego in Latin means I in inglish. Ergo, ego no the answer". "Very good, or bonus" I cried, ""you are indeed compes mentos in the language of Latin. Ah Latin" I sighed, "the language so beloved by Popes and boys who dabble in black magic, some peeple say that Latin is dead, but it isn't, it just lay down for a bit of a rest, when the Latin mass comes two Clougher, you shall surprise every wan with your fluidity in Latinese". "Im damn sure ego will" roared Bon Jovi.
After too hours Bon JOvi was beginning to sweat, "Come, come Bon Jovi" I said, "you no this, what does noli me tangere mean in Inglish?" "I don't no" yelled Bon Jovi. my head is fare brusting, I don't no what it means".
"Don't touch me" I said. "There's know need to huff" said Bon Jovi, "Ego kan't no everything". "Know, know" I yelled, noli me tangere, means, don't touch me in Inglish, we both went into fits of laughing, ego of course, was laughing in Latin.
"Why is learning so difficult?" said Bon Jovi. I leaned back on the bag of meal and said, "The brane is a receptable, a receptable for keeping knowledge in, its easy to put the knowledge in, but its hard two keep in in". I broke wind, clasped my fingers and said, "I suppose its like putting a kat into a bag, then pulling out your hand and tying the bag shut, before the kat gets out of the bag". "Hense the old saying" muttered Bon Jovi. "Hense the old saying indeed I said and I believe the Latin for knot letting the kat out of the bag is--Kit-Kat".
"So much to learn" muttered Bon Jovi, "and so little thyme.
"That wool do us for too-nite Bon Jovi" I said, "You have remembered ego and learned Kit Kat, you are doing very good, or bravo. Oh Bon Jovi, did you put out a beware of the dog sign this morning, as requested by Clougher kouncil?" "Ego did" said Bon Jovi and I rote it in Latin,
Cave canem". "Bonus boy" I said, "any wan who kan't reed that, deserves two get the arse torn out of their trousers by pit-bulls and rottweillers". "Ego agree" roared Bon Jovi.
"Bon Jovi sun" I said, "keep on like this and you'll be on the rectum road to fame and riches. (OH, rectum, means straight in Latin, but why am I telling you? you knew that, didn't you?)
I lay in the crook of my true loves arm like a bag of chaff, My boyfriend was nibbling at my flaming mass of matted red hare, like an Arab stallion. I was snuggled tite into Chucks chest, listening to the uneven thump of his hart and the bubbling cauldren that was his stomach. "Sing two me Chuck" I simpered, "Sing two me, the way the Greek boys did two the vessal virgins". Chuck coughed, blew his nose, broke wind and began too bawl.
"OH, some say the devils dead
Some say he's hardly
Some say the devils dead
And buried in Killarney".
When one's bow sings two one, it means that lamore has got a wild hoult on them.
Ah Lamore, the enticing tongue in the whole of my doughnut.---Merci"!!!
"Hark, after spitting up some green flem, Chuck wool now sing the second verse.
"Some say he rose again
Some say he hardly
Some say he rose again
And joined the British army"
As Chuck's gruff, delcet tones drifted over the bog, I melted into his manly arms, like an ice cream on the hot radiator of a kar.
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