a day in the life of rosie ryan

Phew-what a scorcher two-day was,I jettisoned most of my cloths, including the three vests that my mammy stole while on a pilgrimage to Nock.I kan still sea deer mummy smiling and saying "It was a miracle I got away with it" What a mummy she was, as honest as the day is short.
As the Son, the big throbbing orb in the sky, scent down life-giving warmth and cancer, I skipped gaily like a would-land sprite, wearing nickers and simmet. I jumped, I leaped, my matted mass of red hare,tied back with a length of rope.
Venus,the God of love was leaping and skipping in a bog outside the city limits of Clougher.
But alas, my grate beauty drew unwanted attention. Numerous were the drivers who rolled down the winda and yelled out.---"ROSIE-may hand on your drawers" "If I thought your hands were on my drawers I wood burn them" I shrieked demurly.BUt this became tiresome, so I just ajusted my riposte two a genteel gulder of "PISS OFF."
I new most of the bawdy gulpins but it was disconcerning too see the PSNI and the priest among them.
My sun Bon Jovi was gambling about in a large nappy. I marvelled at my suns fiz-eek, his big, head, thick nech, matted back of hare and his protruding pot belly. THere was a cub built for survival. If the oil ran out and the price of pan loaves went threw the roof, that cub could mutate into a cannibal before you could say "Fats Domino" When the Ah-pox-ah-lips came BOn Jovi wool be left standing on burnt and blackened hill wondering where everybody has gone.
What a cub and too think they sprang from my lions.
In the evening, BOn Jovi and me began two play a game called, jump over the rusty bicycle. Over and back we went like two athletic wilderbeast. "Begorragh" roared Bon Jovi "We should be in Bee-jing at the olympic games". Then-kalimity, my foot caught on the handle bars and I went flying arse over tit. I cut my nee, a good deep cut but it did knot require stitches.
As the son sinks in the West, I leave you with the picture of mother and child in the garden-the garden of Eden. THrowing stones at birds and giving VEE signs two passersbye.
As Lou Reed says, "WhAT A DAY. I am Rosie, mother of Bon Jovi. xxx and remember, if the son gets two hot-stay in the shed. 'Till the next thyme