THE PLEASURE OF AN ALFRESCO SLASH

Ah, the pleasure of an alfresco slash, Oh two get away from the konfines of the po in a darkened korner. Two feel the gentle breeze on one's ars-derriere. EArly this morning, I skipped from the house like would-land nymph, I leapt the garden wall, like a veritable gazelle and tripped, Mary Poppin's like into the whins. As I hunkered down with a contented-AAH, I feasted my maidenly, girlish occulars on natures beauty.
The lincon green whins, were literary bowed down with yella flours-natures gold, I sniffed the freash, clean heir (this was in pre-slash mode) how refreshing, how simply devine.
A carpet of buttercups lay at my hob-nailed boots, each little flour, standing on tip-toe, trying to reach the son. The lush, green grass, so beautiful and better than any toilet paper, even the wan that the wee labador pup likes.
A bumble bee emerged from my rear, like an army helly-coptor, the creels on its knobbly legs full of pollen. "Fly my little one" I cried, "FLy to the hive and empty your creels of pollen and boke up necter for the little bee wains"
I was prolonging my slash, the better too enjoy the pleasure, it is akin, too leaving the kream bun on your plate, while you eat the heel from a pan loaf. PLeasure should knot be rushed, it should be savoured. But alas, all good things must come to an end and I grabbed my maidely knees and began the process of slashing.
Aah the relief, aah the pleasure, I have said it before, outside the chapel on a Sonday and I'll say it again, there is nothing in this world that komares with a good slash. A good slash is an indicater that your bladder is working and that there are know air locks in the pipes.
While I was slashing, I was also bobbing up and down like a meer-kat keeping an eye out for unwanted intruders. People wood pay good money two sea me slash on the internet.
"What could be better than this? I entoned, "the son on your back, natures beauty all around and flies and midges round one's head like a veritable heaveny choir.
It was quite a prolonged slash, that's what comes from saving it up--but alas, the volume diminshed and I new the slash was coming two an end. I arose like Venus from the whins and tripped gaily and daintly back too my abode, with a swarm of big black flies flying round my head. As a slash, I wood give it 10 out of 10 and it doesn't get any better than that.
Chuck Corona and me lay on the Harry COrry sofa, like Jordan and Peter. I was nibbling like a goat at Chuck's camel hare gansey. Deer Chuck was munching at a mouthful of brandy balls, I marvelled at the way his pox-marked cheeks stood out like a chimpmonk.
"Chuckie" I cooed "What are you thinking?" Chuck broke wind like Concorde and said
"Tis thinking I am" said he "Of how lucky I am. "here I am" said Chuck "A blow-in from Dublin and low and behold, I have fallen in love with the most beautiful woman, this side of the Pecos".
"Oh you doat" I shrieked, leaping on him like a hysterical, deranged wombat.
Chuck's chair topped and he fell on the coal bucket, where he received a nasty gash on his head from the coal shovel. The cut bled like hell but it did knot require stitches, I bound Chuck;s head with my auld burgundy simmet, deer Chuck looked so cute, just like a hippy.
Then, my sun Bon Jovi stormed in like the German army, "Mammy" he roared "You have hurted Chuck Corona again. you should be gentle with Chuck" said the cub "He's knot as big as you and yet you keep leaping on him like a big hallion" "Me, a hallion?" I ejaculated, "I wool have you no boy, that my teechers said I exempfied-petitness" "That was then" roared Bon Jovi "In the intrem you have grown up into a a big hallion and a big gulpin"
In the konfusion, Chuck made his escape, with the blood running down his camel-hare gansey.
"Go two your bed you big headed gulpin" I roared. "Shut your big yapper of a mouth" yelled Bon Jovi--then the clock struck ate and the cub and me knelt down too say the rosary.
Does knot the good book say-"The family that preys together, stays together.
ME? a hallion? the boy gests surely.