Who are what is Rosie Ryan?

what a hapy day this is. This is the day that the hole world wool get two no Rosie Ryan. I am a single mother with a boy child called Bon Jovi. He sprang from my lions and I love him.
I am a young girl in her late 40's. I have red hare, a red face and I usually wear red flannel drawers. My hyobbies are reeding Proust, saying things in Latin and jumping over shucks and bog wholes. My stable diet is oven chips, pan loaves and road kill.
I have a boy fried, his name is Chuck Corona, late of the Garda She-kona in the free state. He is a wee doat and I love him like be-damned.
Gerry Anderson the broadcaster and wild smart man is my friend, I rite two GErry and he reeds the letters out on the wireless.
My favourite colour is puce. My favourite book is the bible, in the origional ARBIC AND MY FAVOURITE FILM IS, lAUREL AND HARDY. THey make me laugh 'till I pee myself.
I don't pee myself often but I do when I watch, Laurel and Hardy. Why that should be???? I do knot know.
My favourite singer is Pappa-rotty and the late, deseased and dead, Edith Pee-if. SHe was called The Little Sparrow, because they couldn't keep her away from bird tables.
I live in a bog outsi8de Clougher, a city of sin, debauchery,depravity and auld sexy things after the pubs close at nite.
I study at the open universary, which means I reed books out in the garden. I sit on a tractor tire and ruminate on the grate works of Rembrant, Piscasso, Proust and the boy from Gortin who designed Clougher 's sewage works. I don't no who nhe was but he had his head screwed on. Well, I must away, Bon Jovi wool soon be in from skool and I wool have two change his wet throuers and prepare too buttered heels of a pan loaf. Join me again and I wool discuss chemistry, sinus and how two tell by a hens SQUACK if it has layed or knot.
TIll then, its goodbye from you and goodbye from me.
Mrs Rosie Ryan. The pride of Clougher and surrounding Districts.
And remember what Nero the roamin' boy with the short toga said."Alea jacta est" which is Latinese for,Keep her lit. XXX