A Grave Miss Take In The Graveyard

"Put your leg up higher" gasped Chuck my boyfriend. "Know" I ejaculted shrilly "we are on conseration ground,what if the priest seas us?" "I kan't waint" gasped Chuck, "NOw, put your other leg up-higher". "Chuck" I shrieked, "This is knot rite, I feel the eyes of the boy's in the Vatican upon us". "Now" said Chuck, "Legs akimbo and we're almost there". I shrieked, gasped, wailed and held on two Chuck like a ten pound note. "Almost there" panted Chuck "But let yourself go,don't be so stiff, could you knot get that leg a little higher?" "Chuck" I shrieked, "That limb is already up round my ear whole". "Almost there" gasped Chuck, "If I lift your left leg up just a little,yes, we're almost there, don't stop now, don't stop--AAAH"
Chuck and me rolled in the grass like too pot-bellied pigs, we were utterly spent, Chuck was panting like an auld mongerl dog, I was gasping like a fish that had been snatched from the H2O.
BUt it was over, we had climbed the cemetary wall into the graveyard. I had a boo-K of panseys and dandy-lions two lay on my parents grave
We made our way threw the long grass too the resting plaice of my kin folk. Deer mummy and daddy, the man and woman who had come together and stamped their likeness on me. Pappa and Momma, mater and pater, the auld doll and the auld boy,there they lay under the clay, united in death as they never had bean in life. THrew sexual kongress, they had brought forth a girl child and Lo-named her-Rosie
I remember deer momma and pappa well,how ugly they were, what miricale had preordained that they would give birth two a sprog, with the grate beauty, poise and grace, like what I have. Was I a "changeling? a fairy child? THat could account for my grate affliction for black-thorn trees and toad-stools.I placed the boo-K of flowers in the nettles that covered my parents and said. "DArling mummy, deerest daddy, I wood like two interduce you two my boyfriend, Chuck Corona from the 36 counties. I love him, I have given my hart two him and he has recapitulated my love" Chuck stood with his tartan Tan-A chanter in his hand as I solemnly intoned-
Dominus noster, flagrante delicto,gemutlichkeit and Erin go bragh" Then we crept away, to let tham molder and decompose in peace.
Alas-and indeed-alac, kalimity struck as we made our way back over the graveyard wall,I was straddling said wall, legs akimbo when I slipped and fell into an open grave.CHuck took two his heels, I roared,yelled and guldered like a constipated donkey. THen-hark, footsteps approached, I looked up and there was the parish priest looking down at me. "Ah, Mrs Ryan" he said "Know wan told me you had dyed. Get out of there two hell" he roared "And don't be squatting in a grave that provided for shelter and privacy of the deceased. Get home two hell" he guldered. "Or you wool feel my rightuous boot up the arse and if I see you squatting in graves again, I wool tell the Bishop and he wool excrementum you" I slung off into the nite, full of shame loathing and self disgust. I felt like--luther or Sun of SAm.
"Bless me father for I have sinned" I guldered, as I galloped threw the whins like a veritable wilderbeast. THat nite I fell on my nees and preted long and hard two saint Gunter, the patron saint of people who fall into graves. May a culpa, may a culpa, may a wild big max-a-may culpa.